To Hell with Your Easter Fun and Joy!
by inuyasha's lullaby - farewell
Summary: In which Dark Pit expresses his hate of Easter. – Celebratory Easter oneshot, Smartass!Dark Pit, a bit of Kurolina.


To start off, here's some information that you should know: the name's Dark Pit; I'm an angel; Pit and that snarky green-haired goddess can go piss off; and to hell with Easter.

I can tell you're frowning at that last bit of information. Or maybe because I told my light counterpart and the Goddess of Skyworld to piss off. Probably both.

Well either way, let me tell you, buddy: I don't care.

You see, what is the purpose of Easter? To hunt for eggs? No, I can hunt for eggs at the local grocery market. And don't give me the obvious religious connotations, of course. None of it applies to me – I am part of the religion of Dark Pit-ism, and today dictates that I don't have to give a damn about what you say.

Oh, wait – am I offending you? Oh, you're upset for realsies? Oops, my religion also dictates me to give a half-baked apology. Here you go: "I, Dark Pit, am sorry for hating on a day where some creepy bunny appears and stalks you with – oh, lookie, chocolate eggs!"

Can you just _feel _the sincerity?

Anyway, let's get back onto topic: Easter gives kids the chance to kick the Easter Bunny in the balls and steal his basket full of drugged candy. It's the day where people like Peach allow oversized children like Pit and Roy to participate in that damned egg hunt thing or whatever. Hell, currently the angel is arguing that he found the most eggs. Roy responded by smacking the eggs to the ground, and now Peach is breaking up a fight like a mother stops an argument between her two kids.

Understand my cynicism now? This is why I don't do Easter. If those babies in adult bodies pulled that crap with me, eggs would've been shoved up places where the sun refuses to freakin' shine.

So, you may be wondering why the hell am I complaining if, since I don't like Easter, I won't be doing anything? Well, shut up wonderin' and let me explain: there is only one person who had managed to convince me to remotely be present with other person, to pass out those disgusting Cadbury eggs (yeah, I said it) to all the little good and deserving little Smashers:

My girlfriend, Rosalina.

This is her first time even hearing of Easter, and she just loved the concept of it so much that she asked me to participate in the Easter fun and joy with her. Well, it was either that or sleep on the couch the Wario occupies most of the time.

You can guess which option I chose.

So, here I am, giving out chocolate eggs of pointlessness. Rosalina's looking at me with approving eyes. Of course, every time she looks away, I throw the eggs at the kids and tell them to piss off, but to her, I am the brightest, sweetest angel.

Bleck, I sound like Palutena complimenting Pit.

Still hate Easter, though. Showed that hate quite well when Ness came up and tried to steal the eggs from me. See, this is why I don't want kids. Mischievous little bastards. I threw an egg at him and shooed him away. Laughed, too.

I didn't expect for him to come back with his arms full of eggs and start throwing them at me. Specifically at my beautiful, flawless face.

I'm not sure if this is karma or whatever, but if it is, I freakin' hate it. Rosalina and Peach came over and tried to stop Ness from his egg-throwing raid. Peach remarked that she had a similar situation earlier. Well, that pissed me off, because I was essentially being compared to Pit, and the last time I checked, I was smarter and more mature than Pit. So I did the appropriate thing: chucked eggs right back at him. Not to brag, but my aim was way better.

That went on for a good five minutes.

In the end, Ness and I was covered in chocolate, and my hate for Easter grew. I also now hate chocolate eggs and I am now reduced to sleep on that couch stained with the smell of garlic for the next two years or so.

Yep, can't wait to do this again next year!

* * *

**This was just some quick crap I wrote for Easter.**

**Well, this was interesting. Despite the content of this story, I feel like I should say I am not cynical of Easter or anything; I just like portraying Dark Pit as a cynical, skeptic ass. (Well, Dark Pit is already kind of a cocky little bastard, but I decided to amplify that particular quality.) Easter equates to me getting lots of candy, even though I can get candy on any other day of the year. And yeah, I know what is Easter is on the religious standpoint, so if this story somehow offended someone, then yeah, my genuine apologies. **

**Though I still am a proud member of Dark Pit-ism.**

**So, in the end, it's the beautiful tale of Dark Pit dealing with Cadbury eggs to the face for his precious Rosalina. Happy Easter, everyone – give me your Easter basket.**


End file.
